“The Talk”

Unless you’ve been living on
a remote island for the past
decade, you know that our
culture has gone crazy regarding sexual
issues. Christian parents are filled
with questions. When is it too early
to begin discussing these tough topics
with your children? How do you
ground them in the truth found in
God’s Word?

The goal of Answers magazine is to
equip readers even if some truths are
uncomfortable to talk about. But in a
culture that pushes gender fluidity
and sex outside of marriage, it’s critical
that we be intentional about giving
answers.

The publisher of Answers magazine,
Dale Mason, recently sat down with
“The Busy Mom”, Heidi St. John, a popular
speaker, blogger, and author whose
passion is to encourage and equip parents
with biblical tools to train their
children. A link for the video of their
full conversation is available at the end
of this article. Here are the highlights
in a simple Q&A format that’s easy to
share with other parents.

When should parents start teaching
their children about sexual issues?

First, we should acknowledge that
it’s always been hard to talk to our
kids about sex. But we should teach
our kids from the time they’re very
little that God’s Word, the Bible, is
where we get our answers.

I’ve been telling parents more and
more that I raised my 28-year-old
much differently than I’m raising my
8-year-old. They grew up in very different
eras. I’m noticing with our youngest
one that I’ve had to have conversations
with her a lot earlier in her life.
I’m having discussions I wouldn’t have
had 26 years ago. You should have
these conversations with your kids
early, and you should be explicit. By
explicit, I don’t mean graphic. I mean
really talking about the nature of what
they’re seeing in magazines, online,
and at their schools.

When did you start talking
to your own children about sex?

I started when my kids started
asking questions. They’re asking
questions earlier and earlier. I know
when I was growing up, my parents
didn’t broach the subject of sex until I
was probably a teenager. They didn’t
know this, but by then, all my friends
already told me. They told me wrong,
so I had mixed-up ideas. Parents
should be the ones who talk to their
kids about sexual issues.

What are some key scriptures
that parents can reference?

Parents need to start in Genesis.
We learn that God had a plan for
human sexuality, and it was good. He
created it. I want my children to grow
up with Genesis as their starting
point, which lays the foundation for
everything else. But God didn’t just
say he made it good. He also adds that
he made us male and female in his
image. There is a definite difference,
and our world has perverted it. Our
kids need to know that.

In our culture, transgenderism and
homosexuality are celebrated. How
should parents address this?

We need to be honest about what’s
happening. If your three-year-old
starts asking you whether they’re a
boy or a girl, tell them. How do we
know? Because God said, “I made you
male or female.” Sometimes parents
will come to me and they’ll say, “My
three-year-old or my four-year-old or
my five-year-old son is trying on his
sister’s dresses.” I think that this has
been happening in the Christian community
for a long time. But we don’t
talk about it because we’re kind of
embarrassed. We shouldn’t be embarrassed.
We should address it.

Can you give an example of a teaching
moment with one of your children?

One day, I was at the grocery store
with my children. At the checkout
stand, my four-year-old daughter
noticed a picture of Bruce Jenner on
the cover of Vogue. Children aren’t
stupid. She said, “Mama, Mama!”
I looked, and I asked, “What is it,
honey?” She said, “Why is that man
dressed like a princess?”

Inwardly, I was thinking that I didn’t
want to have this conversation in the
middle of the store. But I have learned
that I need to strike while the iron’s
hot. I wanted to give her a thoughtful
answer, and I didn’t want her to feel
embarrassed for asking me a question.
So I squatted down until I was
eye-level with her right there in the
checkout line, and I said, “Sweetheart,
did God make you a boy or a girl?” She
said, “He made me a girl.”

Then I went on to explain to her,
“You know, some people are really
confused right now, and some people
don’t know how much God loves
them.” She replied thoughtfully,
“Well, Mama, we should pray for
him.” We need to be honest about
what’s happening and be ready to give
an answer when our children ask.

What do you tell an older child
who begins to wonder about God’s
love for those who choose a transgender
or homosexual lifestyle?

First, we need to tell our children
that God loves everyone. God loves
the men or the women who are struggling
with their sexual identity. God
loves the homosexual. God loves all of
us. He died for us. I think that when
we focus on one sin above another,
we do a terrible disservice to how God
views us as human beings who are all
flawed before the Father.

I tell my kids, “Hey, this may not be a
popular position to take in the culture
right now. But we stand on the authority
of the Word of God as believers.”

I tell my kids, “Hey, this may not
be a popular position to take in the
culture right now. But we stand on
the authority of the Word of God as
believers. We don’t shy away from it,
and we recognize that our emotions
will never trump the truth.”

What is the biggest issue that parents
tell you they’re dealing with?

The biggest issue, other than
transgenderism, is the idea that truth
is subjective. Christian leaders with
big followings talking about cultural
issues are saying, “Hey, set the Bible
aside.” But the Bible tells us that God’s
Word is a sword (Ephesians 6:17). We
should take our children back to the
authority of the Bible.

I think many parents are afraid to
answer hard questions because they
don’t feel equipped enough to answer
them. Instead of running when their
children have a question, I want parents
to say, “You know what? I don’t
know the answer to that question,
but let’s go to the Bible.” Talk to them
about what’s happening in the news.
Talk with them about the covers of
magazines. Talk to them when they’re
hearing from their friends. Don’t be
afraid. Don’t run away from it.

How should a parent monitor a
child who is an avid reader?

In our home, we’ve always surrounded
our children with excellent
resources. If you come to my house at
any given time, you’ll find baskets of
books. I’m a sneaky mom like this. I
will put books I want my kids to read
in the bathroom and in the family
room. We want our children reading,
but we want to know what they’re
reading. It’s not that hard to look for
good resources. We want our kids
reading stories that are interesting to
them but that point them back to the
truth of the Bible.
We live in the internet age.

Do you have advice for parents
who are unsure of how to navigate
these unfamiliar waters?

I can sit here for hours and tell you
stories of families who did everything
“right.” But they didn’t realize that their
child graduated from homeschool with
a pornography addiction. You need to
be able to say to your kids, “We’re not
going to let you read everything. We’re
not going to let you watch everything.”
Reiterate to them that the Bible tells us
to think on whatever is good and whatever
is lovely (Philippians 4:8). As you
frame that as a family, hopefully those
are values that they grow up with and
take into their own families.

Many young people have been
exposed to pornography. What is the
best approach when this happens?

One of our sons stumbled upon
pornography accidentally, which
is how it almost always starts. My
husband so wisely sat down with him
and explained that he understood the
struggle. They can hold each other
accountable when there is open communication
without shame.

Approach your kids with love, but
don’t be afraid to address it. Encourage
them to stay away from porn and
explain the dangers. And don’t forget
to tell them the beautiful thing that’s
ahead for them inside of marriage. It
really is that encouragement, instead
of just constantly saying, “Danger!
Danger!” Try to say, “Hey, good things
are coming, and this is how God is
going to prepare you for it.”

What advice would you give
to parents who fear meddling
in their child’s privacy?

Parents will say to me, “That’s his
account. I don’t want to get into my
child’s business.” It is all your business.
If you are their parent and they are
living in your home and eighteen years
of age or younger, it is all our business.
Hopefully, the net result is that you’re
going to train them in righteousness,
which is what we’re trying to do.

When it comes to social media, it’s
important for parents to realize the
widespread dangers. Even if your kids
have an Instagram account, monitor
what they’re doing. There’s pornography
on Instagram now. Hashtags have
become a huge problem, and parents
need to be alert there too.

What resources do you
find most helpful?

I love the American Family Association
(AFA.net)—anything that they
recommend I’m interested in reading.
I publish through Tyndale, owned
by Christians. They’re not afraid
to answer what’s happening in the
culture from a Christian perspective.
Obviously, Answers in Genesis. And
if you’re looking for news sources, I
suggest the Family Research Council.

SourceThis article originally appeared on answersingenesis.org

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